JEFF KLINGER

Los Angeles Dates Summer 2012



July 9th What's Up Tiger Lily?

July 12- The Palace

July 15th The Hangout

July 16- What's Up tiger Lily?

July 19th- LARGO Los Angeles w/ Nick Kroll

July 20th- Comedy and Magic Club, Hermosa Beach, CA

July 21st- Comedy and Magic Club, Hermosa Beach, CA

July 22nd The Hangout

July 23rd- What's Up tiger Lily?

July 27th- Comedy and Magic Club, Hermosa Beach, CA

July 28th- Comedy and Magic Club, Hermosa Beach, CA

August 27th What's Up tiger Lily?

August 27th The Public House

August 28th Performance Anxiety

August 29th The Meltdown show
Tue Jul 31

somehow this chat was going on on my facebook page. i joined in but i dont know these people






Today
Awesome, have not been there yet.
oh its cool ..
near lake placid
My cabin is outside of Sloatsburg.
oh what is that near
Seven Lakes.
love Six lakes
cool .. I left east coast last summer
Hate the 7th
why is that
Got Raped at the 7th lake
what
Ohhhkaaaay. Thanks for letting me know to watch for that lake.
It was CRAZY! a bunch of Vermont thugs came and hogtied me and raped my bumhole
I’m gay now, but I wasnt for the first six lakes
omg …
your serious ..
Yikes.
wow
8 Vermont thugs
still its not right.. to rape anyone
I think they were from burlington
damnnnnnnnnnnn
Maybe Smugglers Notch
what did the police do jeff
They raped me too
thats awful
My tiny starfish is now like a five-gallon bucket
7 lakes is bad news
okay
:{
more like 7 rapes
scott you still here
if youre asian
jeff you do comedy
omg
I’ll tell you what I do
ok
I stay away from that 7th lake
ok
one of the cops was asian. Burmese, I think
when he wrote the report he kept saying we were in 7 Rapes
i knew he meant lakes
but next week
but with his accent and what had just happened to me. ooooh the irony
i bet
more like ouch, the irony
Sun Jul 29
Apologies in advance through the use of my crude “artwork”

Apologies in advance through the use of my crude “artwork”

I now have a file at Viacom, but I’m not sure what’s on it

Had to fill out a background check for a new job. It was yes or no questions with no lines for explanations.  They wanted information from me going back ten years. Do you have any outstanding warrants? Have you ever been convicted? Have you ever been fired from a job?  Sure I’ve been fired but I’d like a line to explain. I’ve filled out background checks before, I know how they work. Since they didn’t give me an explanation line, I answered all with question marks. Every one. Even the one that asks if Ive ever served time in prison. They’re the ones doing the background check, why am I giving them answers? Do your job Big Brother.

Thu Jul 8

Fortune cookie

The fortune cookie from my breakfast this morning reads, “You will bring sunshine into someone’s life this week.” It’s a great fortune and a nice promise, but when you take into account that I am eating Kung Pao chicken for breakfast, I am probably not in the position to bring sunshine anywhere. Maybe a more fitting fortune might read, “you will leave a voicemail message on someone’s phone this week” or “write this week off, you’ve already started off on the wrong foot” C’mon China, get to know your customers. Then profits will soar.

Tue Sep 1
please be more clear when you tell me how to pack for my surprise vacation

please be more clear when you tell me how to pack for my surprise vacation

Fri Aug 28
drawn by jeffrey p. klinger esq.

drawn by jeffrey p. klinger esq.

Wed Aug 26
(via: toothpastefordinner)

(via: toothpastefordinner)

12shinynickels:

Mike Burns

12shinynickels:

Mike Burns
Sure I got a DUI, but as soon as my atty Amir makes some calls to whomever it is he calls, It’ll get dropped.

Sure I got a DUI, but as soon as my atty Amir makes some calls to whomever it is he calls, It’ll get dropped.

Mon Aug 24

Reality Check #43

Court-ordered community service is NOT the same as volunteer work.