July 2010
1 post
Fortune cookie
The fortune cookie from my breakfast this morning reads, “You will bring sunshine into someone’s life this week.” It’s a great fortune and a nice promise, but when you take into account that I am eating Kung Pao chicken for breakfast, I am probably not in the position to bring sunshine anywhere. Maybe a more fitting fortune might read, “you will leave a voicemail message on someone’s phone this...
September 2009
5 posts
Reality Check #44
If you are exploiting these fires in any way, jokes, profile pictures, etc. You are an asshole
August 2009
14 posts
i dont get it RT@Sophocles One must wait until the...
Everybody has a crazy ex-girlfriend BUT me. Who do...
Reality Check #43
Court-ordered community service is NOT the same as volunteer work.
July 2009
10 posts
The Shoe Guy?
fiftYOnred (3:08:01 PM): its a live video stream where twitterers ask questions
fiftYOnred (3:08:07 PM): he answers
fiftYOnred (3:08:16 PM): its amazing
fiftYOnred (3:12:29 PM): you watching?
cgggggggggg2 (3:12:33 PM): nada
cgggggggggg2 (3:12:40 PM): can’t watch that and listen to my music at the same time.
fiftYOnred (3:12:40 PM): But its stephon marbury
cgggggggggg2 (3:12:47 PM):...
Not drinking has led me to make good decisions...
10 Comics to Watch: Matt Braunger (Variety) →
Could not be happier for Matt. GO!
mattbraunger:
veganchameleon:
boringloser:
Yeah! Sweet press for Matt Braunger, a comic to watch!
With the Letterman appearance, a gig on the final season of “Mad TV” (including a jaw-dropping part in a “Weight Smashers” ad parody), a new role as a detective on the Internet satire series “Ikea Heights” and this summer’s release of a comedy album, “Soak...
I think I'm at the wrong comic-con. I just keep...
Things not to say in a job interview
“I’m not wanted in this state.”
“How many young women work here?”
“I didn’t steal it; I just borrowed it.”
“You touch somebody and they call it sexual harassment!”
“I’ve never heard such a stupid question.”
Writing a crime novel about a cop who solves...
random house books
This weeks proposal. July 19th
last night i asked for a womans hand in marriage using a shrimp still sizzling from the fajita plate. it fit her finger perfectly
June 2009
4 posts
“I told my girlfriend I think she’s become too “Hollywood” She...”
May 2009
1 post
IM fun
Christie is working from home today while her fridge gets fixed
avXXXXXXtie (9:30:05 AM): if the repairman tries to rape me, should I IM you or would that stress you out?
April 2009
12 posts
Follow me on Twitter →
fiftYOnred: guranteed
fiftYOnred: i dont know how to spell that word because i cant keep promises
Los Angeles Dates April 2009
April 21st D+D Joke center, Glendale, CA
April 24th 90 West, Culver City, CA
April 25th Comedy and Magic Club, Hermosa Beach, CA
April 27th Whats Up, Tiger Lilly? , Hollywood, CA
April 27th Barneys, Pasadena, CA
April 28th Lestat’s San Diego, CA
April 29th Fake Gallery, Hollywood, CA
April 30th Ice House, Pasadena, CA
May 1st Khoury’s Long Beach, CA
May 3rd Comedy Store,...
February 2009
4 posts
“Jeff Klinger’s tumblr.”
Hey everybody, I just started a tumblr. page